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Modern wedding etiquette

As someone who really enjoys attending weddings, and have attended close to 100 weddings over my career as a wedding photographer, I’m a bit of a sucker for some of the more traditional aspects of weddings. I’ve blogged in the past about the historic origins of some of the more well known wedding traditions, such as the origin of the best man and bridal party, even saying like ‘tying the knot’. But what I’ve noticed over the past few years are a few changes to modern wedding etiquette. Such things like smartphones, hash-tags and things like photo booths just are not steeped in tradition, and yet are fast becoming an integral part of the modern wedding.

Modern wedding etiquette

Unplugged weddings?

Your wedding photographs are going to be your lasting window enabling you to revisit the memories of emotion and joy that was your wedding day, which is kind of why having a professional wedding photographer there on the day is one of the most important additions to your day. Having a professional wedding photographer and videographer there on your day shows that you care about your images, and lasting memories, so chances are you’d like them to look your best right? A common form of modern wedding etiquette I’ve noticed is the rise of the ‘unplugged wedding’ whereby, the bride and groom instructs each of their guests not to use their own phones or cameras in order for their paid photographer to best do their job. This allows for better scenes from your wedding photographer not having to contend with ipads in their face all day, and also your guests can enjoy your wedding, without having to worry about getting their phone out to grab their own shots.

Mobile phone photos of Bride

All hail the #hashtag!

If there is nothing else on this list, it has to be the hashtag, a lot of people reading thins may still not realise what a hashtag is, or even does. Basically, having a unique hashtag developed for your wedding allows your guests to share any photos, video or comments on-line, via any form of social media by adding your hashtag to the description section. This is of course if you’re not having an ‘unplugged’ wedding :). Then via the magic of the internet, all that content gets amalgamated for your viewing. It’s actually quite incredible, and insanely convenient as it saves you chasing up after every single guests for their photos. To make one, simply take say your names (ie Bob and Belinda) and stick a hashtag (#) in front of them so perhaps #Bobbelinda, or #Bobandbelinda. Anywhere you type that on social media, it will turn into a link, which you can press and see what other people have also used that hashtag for.

Either gender in the bridal party

It is entirely not uncommon these days for members of either gender to play a role in either the groom, or the bride’s entourage. Traditionally members of the grooms men were restricted to men, and the bridal party to women, however in the age of equality, it is quite accepted to have members of either gender representing either the bride or groom. Some weddings I’ve been to actually don’t differentiate the grooms men and bridal party at all, but rather have one big group.

Bridal party

Who pays?

With the cost of an average wedding in Australia being a very hefty $36,200, it’s usually  part of modern wedding etiquette to share the costs involved with hosting a wedding. Traditionally it was the bride’s family that foot the bill, however, with the average age of couples that are getting married nearing 30, they are usually living by themselves and financially independent. This said however, due to the modern huge expense a wedding can represent, often the parents of both sides of the family will chip in a decent amount, and then it’s also not uncommon for guests to contribute through wedding gifts that simply amount to cash.

Wedding gifts

Leading on from who pays for a wedding, it’s considered pretty standard modern wedding etiquette to simply ask for cash in lieu of more traditional wedding gifts to help pay for the wedding. This is usually done by placing a ‘wishing well’ or something similar at the wedding reception where guests can add a card, lined with cash instead of a gift. It was traditional that guests were to buy gifts to help the newly wed couple set up their home together, but it’s not not done as much.

Wishing well

Update that facebook status!

If you’re keen on social media, like the majority of young newly weds, then you’d better update that relationship status on the day of your wedding! If you don’t be prepared for all of your guests continually pestering you to do so. Facebook has become a website that contains all the information you’d usually find out through polite conversation, and relationship status is one of those pieces of information that has become something that everyone can know by looking you up first. This can be a good and bad thing depending on how you feel about sharing your information on-line. But if you do, you’d better update your status!

Listen to the couple’s wishes

Along this same vein though, perhaps the newly wedded couple are planning on keeping their new relationship status a secret, for whatever reason. In which case it;s not unusual for them to request no images or anything relating to the wedding be put up on social media until they say it’s ok. It’s a part of modern wedding etiquette that can have huge ramifications regarding relationships between friends, family and even media. So be sure to listen to their desires and perhaps hold off from congratulating the newly weds for a little bit until they say it’s ok.

Mobile phone

There are plenty more aspects to modern wedding etiquette that I simply cant list in one article, including use of websites, clothing, bringing kids and dates. But I felt that what I’ve listed so far are perhaps the most modern of modern wedding etiquette trends that I’ve come across during my career. Feel free to discuss any of it in a comment below!

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‘Tying the Knot’ – History

‘Tying the Knot’ or to ‘tie the knot’ is a saying synonymous with getting married to day, but where does it come from? It’s funny thinking about these types of saying we use on a daily basis, not really knowing where they originate from, but gleefully use them without thinking about what they really mean. In the case of ‘Tying the Knot’ however it’s no where near as dark as the origin of the tradition of having a Best Man, it’s actually quite nice 🙂 I was thinking about the origin of the saying as I have just become engaged myself, and we announced it on Facebook using an image we produced together of a tied knot in between our hands.

Tying the knot

Origin of the saying ‘Tying the knot’

In the US, the saying ‘let’s get hitched’ refers to the practice of ‘hitching’ up your horse as you go to town, or tying a knot in a rope to keep your horse from trotting away. In the same vein the idea was that ‘getting hitched’ was tying a knot between the two newly weds, or in some people’s minds, tying a lady down like a horse so she wouldn’t get away. Because of this, the saying ‘Tying the knot’ is commonly, incorrectly attributed to this practice.

The term ‘Tie the Knot’ came from an earlier time, during the Renaissance in a ceremony called “Handfasting”. ‘Handfast’ and its variations are defined in the Oxford English dictionary as “to make a contract (of marriage) between parties by joining of hands.” Kind of like a handshake. This could also be interpreted today as a proposal of marriage for a specific period of time, traditionally a year and a day. the notion of marriage by the way has not always been an eternal one, with marriages in the past being made for  “a year and a day,” “a lifetime”, “for all of eternity” or “for as long as love shall last” depending on your vows.

Handfasting

The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their betrothal was for them to join hands, his right to her right, his left to her left, so from above they looked like an infinity symbol. ‘Handfastings’, which is an ancient word for ‘wedding’ were traditional before weddings became a legal function of governments or formal religions in the early 1500’s. The very word ‘Handfasting’ derived its origin from the custom of tying the the bride and groom’s hands and wrists together. In this period of time, it’s actually quite interesting to note that during the traditional period of time for a wedding of ‘a year and a day’ or 13 moon cycles, the bride was referred to as a Virgin, or ‘a woman not owned by a man’. It was after this period of time that, if the marriage survived that long, longer vows could be taken.

So there you go! Another wedding history tidbit from my research of the history of the modern wedding!

Symbolism Behind the Knot in Wedding Ceremonies

The phrase “tying the knot” carries meaningful symbolism when included in a wedding ceremony. The act of tying a knot reflects unity, strength, and the commitment a couple makes when joining their lives together. It is a physical representation of a lasting connection, often seen in a tying the knot ceremony where hands are gently bound using ribbons, cords, or fabric.

Today, couples include it to honour tradition or simply to add a heartfelt moment to their ceremony.

For photographers, this is a wonderful moment to capture. The emotions, gestures, and symbolism involved add depth to your wedding story. At SvenStudios, we often find that these quiet, meaningful traditions help tell the most powerful parts of the day.

How to Include a Knot-Tying Ritual in Your Wedding Ceremony

Including a tying the knot ceremony is a meaningful way to personalise your wedding and symbolise your commitment. It can take place during your vows or just before the ring exchange. The couple’s hands are gently bound together with a ribbon, rope, or cord, creating a visible symbol of unity.

You can choose materials that reflect your story: fabrics from family garments, colours with personal significance, or textures that align with your wedding theme. A friend, celebrant, or family member can perform the ritual while reading a few heartfelt lines.

This tying the knot wedding moment offers a powerful addition to your ceremony and creates a natural pause for reflection and photography. At SvenStudios, we often capture this ritual as one of the most tender and memorable parts of the day.

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Wedding ring photography

The beginning of my day covering a wedding as a wedding photographer usually sees me at the location where the groom and his grooms men are being prepared and getting dressed in order to get the wedding ceremony. As a result I’m usually asking for the wedding ring to do a bit of wedding ring photography. Doing the wedding ring photography and other product shots affects such as the shoes, or any jewellery like cuff links, and wearables like ties and suit jackets I like to treat as a bit of a warm up for the day for both myself and for the boys, who may not be overly comfortable with a photographer constantly taking photos of them during the day.

It’s usually the case that this sort of photogrpahy requires specialised lenses and photographic equipment that may or may not be common place in a wedding photographer’s kit – but to do the best work, you need the best camera and lenses for product photography.

Wedding ring photography

The goal is really to show any details of the ring or rings while having some sort of a background that speaks to the type of person the groom is. It’s traditional at a wedding for the groom and his best man to look after the rings so I feel having something like his tie, or cuff links, even the flowers he’s wearing on the day as a background really helps portray this personal aspect of the wedding rings.

Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding Rings
Wedding Rings
wedding rings

It is however coming more and more popular for the bride and her entourage to look after the rings, I’m thinking trust is the defining factor here? 🙂 When this is the case, the rings are often placed nearby flowers, or clothing such as the wedding dress. This is again to show a bit of personality behind the photograph. It’s also quite common to find them tied onto the page boy’s cushion, ready to be presented during the wedding ceremony.

wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding Rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Adelaide wedding photographer
Wedding rings

This being said however, wedding rings are usually very personal items to begin with, so there is a certain charm to wedding ring photography where the background is as plain as possible. I usually try to find a nice clean hardwood surface to produce these types of photos, as the grain fades away in the natural bokeh of my lens in a very satisfying way.

Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings

Over the years of covering weddings as a wedding photographer, I’ve discovered a certain number of photo compositions I tend to take at pretty much every wedding I cover. one of my favourite shots to get during preparation is a top-down perspective of the bride’s engagement ring floating amongst the flowers of her bouquet. I’ve put together a collection of quite a few such photos in this post just for the fun of seeing the style and colours of each bride’s ring and flower arrangement to hopefully provide a bit of inspiration for your own ring (if you have a choice :P) and flower arrangement.

Wedding ring photography, I feel is one of the important photographs I must capture on a wedding day as they signify the never ending union of the wedded couple, and as I’m there to capture all the emotion and joy on this most special of days, I figure the wedding rings should also play a major role in those memories! 🙂

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The Surprising History of the Bridesmaid

bride with her bridesmaids

History of bridesmaids: Role, Rituals and Superstitions

Following along from my recent post pertaining to the Best Man origin story which outlined the historic significance of having a best man at your wedding, I thought I might do a bit of research behind the history of the bridesmaid, and what they used to do in a historic context. Everything that we do at a wedding has been handed down over many generations as traditional events that happen on a wedding day, and the bridal party is no exception.

In modern weddings, much like the best man’s role in helping the groom arrive on time at a wedding, the bridal party is in attendance for the same reasons, to help the bride to be prepare for her wedding day. In modern society it’s most common for the bridal party to help out in wedding planning than that of the men, but that’s only because women typically know much much more in regards to what works at a wedding and what doesn’t. On the day itself, the bridesmaids are there to calm nerves, help the bride get dressed and have a ball all day.

Bridesmaids holding boquets

What is the History of the bridesmaid?

Bridesmaids run right back to ancient Roman times when Roman law required 10 witnesses to be present at a wedding. These 10 witnesses were usually friends of the bride and groom and hence the ‘bridal party’ was born. Bridesmaids and grooms men had to dress just like the bride and groom to confuse vengeful spirits (or real-life jealous suitors) who might try to harm the couple. In fact, much of what the ancient Romans did are seen today as many of the marriage traditions we partake in today.

Exchanging of rings, having a wedding party (reception) after, and a written contract sealed with a kiss are all customs we are used to seeing in modern weddings, but are all accredited to what the ancient Romans did also. The Roman matron of honour was supposed to be an upstanding role model for the new bride, they were supposed to be a moral role model, known for fidelity and obedience. (She had to have been married no more than once, and to have a living husband.)

History of the bridesmaid

The History of the bridesmaid can be biblical

Another origin story for the history of the bridesmaid is Biblical: When Jacob married Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29, each brought her own “maid”, but they were personal servants rather than your typical bouquet-holding bridesmaids. When considering times after the Romans, bridesmaids became less common due to the nature of society, including kidnapping of brides and overall sexist mentality not affording much freedom for the bride.

However, bridesmaids and maids of honour became more common when weddings were planned. For several days before the marriage, a senior maid attended to the bride-to-be. This maid or matron of honour, as we know her today, ensured that the bridal wreath was made and helped the bride get dressed. All bridesmaids (which all had to be younger than the bride by the way) helped the bride decorate for the wedding feast.

Bridesmaids during wedding ceremony

What is the origin of the bridal bouquet at weddings?

The matron of honour would also be in charge of the dow purse, holding the dowry to give to the groom in exchange for marrying her. In modern weddings this is demonstrated by holding the bridal bouquet during the wedding ceremony. Also a fun fact is that it was quite common for less well off families to hold a bit of a ‘hen’s night’ for the bridesmaids and well wishers in order to collect gifts given to the bride, which in turn would be given to the groom as a dowry.

Genesis 29

What is the superstition about being a bridesmaid?

There are a lot of superstitions regarding bridesmaids, for instance, if a bridesmaid stumbled on the way to the altar, the superstition was that she would never marry, which is kind of sad isn’t it? A more famous superstition is of course being the bridesmaid that catches a bouquet is the next to be married, however did you know that in the 16th century, if you had served as bridesmaid three times without getting married yourself, it was believed that evil spirits had cursed you. To break the curse, you’d have to be a bridesmaid four more times, for a total of seven rounds on the wedding circuit, hence the lucky number 7. History can be interesting can’t it?!

History of the bridesmaid

Why Did Bridesmaids Historically Dress Like the Bride?

In ancient times, bridesmaids and groomsmen dressed identically to the bride and groom. The reason behind this tradition was steeped in superstition. It was believed that by dressing the bridal party in matching outfits, they could confuse evil spirits or jealous suitors who might wish to harm the newlyweds. This practice of disguising the bride and groom amidst a group of look-alikes was thought to provide a form of protection, safeguarding the couple from ill intent or bad luck during their wedding day.

Bride and groom celebrate with their wedding party in front of a rustic stone castle on a rainy day.

While the history of the bridesmaid doesn’t really resonate with the modern romantic vision of marriage, I thought this little research of mine has given you a little bit of insight into why and how we do these things at weddings. 🙂

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Best Man origin story

As a wedding photographer with over 350 weddings to my belt, I have a bit of interest and knowledge of the historical traditions that come with he whole wedding scene the Best Man origin story is one of the least politically correct origin story of many of the different wedding traditions around, but this is the case with many things that have their roots many hundreds of years ago.

In modern times, being asked to be the ‘Best Man’ at a wedding is seen as a great honour and a sign of friendship and trust between the groom and the Best Man. This is of course very similar to the different members of the bridal party. The Best Man is supposed to make sure the day runs smoothly by organising things like seating, helping the groom get over nerves and ensuring he doesn’t party too hard the night before.

All this of course before delivering a comical speech designed to embarrass the groom in front of their wedding guests. The history of being the Best Man is actually quite different.

Groom and best man on motorcycle

The Best Man origin story

Back in the 16th century Britain, the practice of abducting brides from neighbouring towns was quite commonplace. It was the role of the Best Man to join the groom  and his entourage in their quest to kidnap the Bride from the comfort of her own home. This was of course all before the women’s rights movement, so men who had decided upon a wife often had to forcefully take her with him (or kidnap her) if her family did not approve of their marriage. Our custom of the best man is a throwback to this kidnapping custom.

Best man with the rings

This however was not the historic Best Man origin story, as the practice of having to kidnap the bride goes way back to Gothic Germany (0-200AD) where it was customary for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women came into short supply “locally,” bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighbouring community.

This was of course not a one man job, so the ‘Best Man’ for the  job of helping the groom in this task was chosen to help. Unlike in Britain however, where this was a somewhat accepted practice, in Germany there was a real threat of the woman’s family taking up arms to retrieve her. As such it was then the Best Man’s duty to help fend off any attackers. The Best Man and his entourage were often heavily armed and stayed by the groom’s side throughout the marriage ceremony.

This is why it’s tradition, especially in the UK to have swords being worn by the men involved at a wedding.

Groom going postal on groomsmen

Why does the bride stand to the left?

Not really to the Best Man origin story is that traditionally the bride usually stands to the left of the groom. This is again due to the unfortunate truth that she may actually be there due to being kidnapped, so the groom, and his best man need to have their sword hand at the ready to defend against any family members disapproving of the marriage.

The St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre (August 24, 1572), depicted below, was a bloody day in the history of France. The murderous events following the marriage of the Catholic princess Marguerite (Margot) and the Protestant ruler Henry of Navarre. History states that the wedding was not one that princess Marguerite really wanted and when the priest asked the equivalent of ‘Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband’ she did not say ‘I do’, then all hell broke loose.

This may have been an over dramatisation of actual events, embellished for later plays and books, but the massacre did actually happen.

Best Man wedding painting

 

This also one reason why men in modern weddings will wear their ‘flower’ on the left side of their suit jacket – it not only covers the heart, as is the reason why most people attribute this traditon, but it also represents what was once worn on the left – their sword.

Also originating from this practice, which literally swept a bride off her feet, sprang the later symbolic act of carrying the bride across the threshold of her new home. The honeymoon is also related to this event, as presumably the bride’s family would still be quite upset about all of this that the newly weds would have to ‘disappear’ for a time so that to give the bride’s family time to come to terms of what has happened.

Best man origin

Thankfully modern society has no need for sword wielding best men and entourage to protect a bride and groom from ill-wishing relatives! However, the role of the best man in a general sense really hasn’t changed all that much, they are still supposed to make sure the day runs smoothly, be it from rampaging in-laws to negotiating with the reception venue over the price of the drink package.