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Modern wedding etiquette

As someone who really enjoys attending weddings, and have attended close to 100 weddings over my career as a wedding photographer, I’m a bit of a sucker for some of the more traditional aspects of weddings. I’ve blogged in the past about the historic origins of some of the more well known wedding traditions, such as the origin of the best man and bridal party, even saying like ‘tying the knot’. But what I’ve noticed over the past few years are a few changes to modern wedding etiquette. Such things like smartphones, hash-tags and things like photo booths just are not steeped in tradition, and yet are fast becoming an integral part of the modern wedding.

Modern wedding etiquette

Unplugged weddings?

Your wedding photographs are going to be your lasting window enabling you to revisit the memories of emotion and joy that was your wedding day, which is kind of why having a professional wedding photographer there on the day is one of the most important additions to your day. Having a professional wedding photographer and videographer there on your day shows that you care about your images, and lasting memories, so chances are you’d like them to look your best right? A common form of modern wedding etiquette I’ve noticed is the rise of the ‘unplugged wedding’ whereby, the bride and groom instructs each of their guests not to use their own phones or cameras in order for their paid photographer to best do their job. This allows for better scenes from your wedding photographer not having to contend with ipads in their face all day, and also your guests can enjoy your wedding, without having to worry about getting their phone out to grab their own shots.

Mobile phone photos of Bride

All hail the #hashtag!

If there is nothing else on this list, it has to be the hashtag, a lot of people reading thins may still not realise what a hashtag is, or even does. Basically, having a unique hashtag developed for your wedding allows your guests to share any photos, video or comments on-line, via any form of social media by adding your hashtag to the description section. This is of course if you’re not having an ‘unplugged’ wedding :). Then via the magic of the internet, all that content gets amalgamated for your viewing. It’s actually quite incredible, and insanely convenient as it saves you chasing up after every single guests for their photos. To make one, simply take say your names (ie Bob and Belinda) and stick a hashtag (#) in front of them so perhaps #Bobbelinda, or #Bobandbelinda. Anywhere you type that on social media, it will turn into a link, which you can press and see what other people have also used that hashtag for.

Either gender in the bridal party

It is entirely not uncommon these days for members of either gender to play a role in either the groom, or the bride’s entourage. Traditionally members of the grooms men were restricted to men, and the bridal party to women, however in the age of equality, it is quite accepted to have members of either gender representing either the bride or groom. Some weddings I’ve been to actually don’t differentiate the grooms men and bridal party at all, but rather have one big group.

Bridal party

Who pays?

With the cost of an average wedding in Australia being a very hefty $36,200, it’s usually  part of modern wedding etiquette to share the costs involved with hosting a wedding. Traditionally it was the bride’s family that foot the bill, however, with the average age of couples that are getting married nearing 30, they are usually living by themselves and financially independent. This said however, due to the modern huge expense a wedding can represent, often the parents of both sides of the family will chip in a decent amount, and then it’s also not uncommon for guests to contribute through wedding gifts that simply amount to cash.

Wedding gifts

Leading on from who pays for a wedding, it’s considered pretty standard modern wedding etiquette to simply ask for cash in lieu of more traditional wedding gifts to help pay for the wedding. This is usually done by placing a ‘wishing well’ or something similar at the wedding reception where guests can add a card, lined with cash instead of a gift. It was traditional that guests were to buy gifts to help the newly wed couple set up their home together, but it’s not not done as much.

Wishing well

Update that facebook status!

If you’re keen on social media, like the majority of young newly weds, then you’d better update that relationship status on the day of your wedding! If you don’t be prepared for all of your guests continually pestering you to do so. Facebook has become a website that contains all the information you’d usually find out through polite conversation, and relationship status is one of those pieces of information that has become something that everyone can know by looking you up first. This can be a good and bad thing depending on how you feel about sharing your information on-line. But if you do, you’d better update your status!

Listen to the couple’s wishes

Along this same vein though, perhaps the newly wedded couple are planning on keeping their new relationship status a secret, for whatever reason. In which case it;s not unusual for them to request no images or anything relating to the wedding be put up on social media until they say it’s ok. It’s a part of modern wedding etiquette that can have huge ramifications regarding relationships between friends, family and even media. So be sure to listen to their desires and perhaps hold off from congratulating the newly weds for a little bit until they say it’s ok.

Mobile phone

There are plenty more aspects to modern wedding etiquette that I simply cant list in one article, including use of websites, clothing, bringing kids and dates. But I felt that what I’ve listed so far are perhaps the most modern of modern wedding etiquette trends that I’ve come across during my career. Feel free to discuss any of it in a comment below!

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Ring warming ceremony

Close-up of wedding rings nestled in moss within a elegant glass gift box.

Have a Ring Warming Ceremony at your Wedding

A ring warming ceremony is a delightful modern wedding custom, developed in Ireland with the goal of developing a secular wedding tradition that didn’t draw on religious ideals in order to pass on the notion of love and belief of the gathering congregation towards the bride and groom. The basic idea is that your wedding rings are ‘warmed’ by each member of your congregation by having each of them hold your rings for a certain amount of time. Hence the name ‘ring warming ceremony’.

Wedding rings

How to hold a ring warming ceremony

Generally a ring warming ceremony takes place just before, or during your wedding ceremony. One way is if you do not have a gigantic congregation, your celebrant, generally at the beginning of your ceremony, directs all the guests present to pass your rings around, and have them hold your rings to ‘warm’ them with their love and well wishes. Obviously if you have hundreds of guests, this really isn’t a viable option, so another option is to have your rings stationed some place at the front of your ceremony, with all your guests invited to hold them as they enter. A third option is to simply limit the number of people who participate in the ring warming ceremony, perhaps only having your parents and bridal party participate.

Exchanging wedding rings

Things to consider

It’s a good idea to ask someone you trust to look after the rings, if you opt to have your ring warming before the ceremony proper, this duty could be given to the best man, who’s job traditionally is to safe guard the rings anyway. If you choose to have them passed around, it just pays to have someone dedicated to watching them, after all they should be destined for your fingers!

Tell your guests about it also, a ring warming ceremony is still quite a new wedding tradition, so chances are not many of your guests will know what one is. It’s a good idea to perhaps have your celebrant work the explanation into his speech, or even add details about it in your wedding invitations.

Think about how long the ceremony would take. I mentioned before that sometimes handing your rings around a huge congregation wouldn’t be particularly smart, considering you’d be potentially waiting at the altar for your rings to reappear after the procession.

Consider tying your rings together, and possibly attaching them to something like a pillow, or box. One downside of this otherwise well-meaning and beautiful ceremony showing family love is that your rings will be moving around a large area, with the possibility of them being dropped and lost. Particularly if your wedding is taking place outside. Having them attached to something larger will minimise this risk.

Wedding rings

The idea of a ring warming ceremony is that your wedding rings have been ‘warmed’ forever by the well wishes and positive thoughts of each of your guests. This is a wonderfully personal way to get your guests involved in your wedding ceremony, rather than simply turning up 🙂

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Wedding shoes selection tips

Elegant white high-heels and diamond ring on natural rock background.

Things to think about when selecting your wedding shoes

When meeting with new clients as a wedding photographer, I’m often asked questions regarding tips and tricks to help with your wedding day. One recurring tip I tend to give out is regarding your wedding shoes. It’s usually something that not many people think about when planning their wedding. People are too often caught up in the big decisions such as your wedding venue, who is going to be your celebrant, and your wedding photographer, it’s easy to forget what’s going to be put on your feet. That isn’t to say that wedding shoes gets completely overlooked, I know how important a woman’s shoe collection can be 😉 It’s more to do with the style of your footwear that I’m talking about.

Bridal shoes sneakers

Wedding shoes tips

Think about the terrain

Where will you be holding your wedding ceremony, but also where are you going for photos after? I always suggest that a bride should have with her some form of comfortable flat-style shoe that she can wear after taking off her high heels after the ceremony. There’s nothing less elegant than a bride trying to bush hack through the undergrowth of a forest in high heels because she wants photos done in the Australian bush, similarly on a beach, it’s near impossible to walk in high heels.

Wedding shoes thongs

How long is your dress?

Adding on to the idea of having flats at your wedding, high heels are worn in order to make you look taller, which is fine at your ceremony. You’re not likely to be walking any further than the length of the aisle and usually on a firm, flat surface. But after the ceremony, like I said bushwhacking isn’t elegant. Chances are your wedding dress will be long enough to hide the fact you aren’t wearing high heels any longer anyway. So don’t worry too much about that.

Find some high heel helpers

If you absolutely must wear high heels at all times, high heel helpers may be your best bet. These come in a number of different styles and colours and they simply add more surface area to the pointy end of your stiletto shoes, making your wedding shoes more sturdy and able to traverse less uneven terrain, such as grass.

High heel helper

Wear in your shoes

While worn shoes don’t make the best wedding photos when doing close-up detail shots of your bridal affects, wearing in your wedding shoes can help save you from a days worth of raw, blistered feet as a result of walking about on brand new shoes. This doesn’t mean wearing then out on the town, simply wearing them for an hour or two around home would help plenty. This would also help you determine where to add anti-rub gel packs to help with any rubbing.

Putting on shoes

Don’t forget the boys!

While the bridal wedding shoes is usually the focal point of your wedding style, and can be utterly elegant and a marvel to look at, chances are your men’s shoes are more likely to be seen by guests than your own! Especially if you’re wearing a long wedding dress. Chances are you’ll have the men running about quite a bit, and possibly climbing things when it comes to your wedding photography. So keeping your men happy with good shoes are a must.

Elegant brown leather shoes resting on tree branches, blending fashion with nature.

Do not go cheap

Remember these are the shoes you’ll be wearing all day, and like I said earlier, often these shoes are brand new. This causes huge pain later in the night when you’re trying to dance the night away at your reception. It’s really not uncommon to see brides taking off their shoes all together, which is a shame as they’ve probably put a lot of time and effort into choosing them. A good quality, sturdy and comfortable shoes are a must and they don’t often come cheap.

Bridal shoes
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The Forgotten Roles of Bridal Party Members

When it comes to planning a wedding, the bridal party plays a significant role in ensuring that everything runs smoothly. As a wedding photographer in Adelaide, I have had the privilege of working with many bridal parties and have witnessed first-hand how important their contributions can be.

Traditionally, the roles of bridal party members were dictated by their titles, such as best man or matron of honour. However, their responsibilities have evolved over time, with modern-day expectations including acting as a support system for the bride to work through her emotions. In this blog post, we’ll take a closer look at the different roles of bridal party members and how they can make a difference on the big day.

Bridal party standing near gum trees

What are the different roles of bridal party members?

Maid or Matron of honour

First things first, these two titles are not interchangeable, the ‘head bridesmaid’ or the bridesmaid who stands next to the bride is chosen by the bride to help out in any way possible leading up to and during the wedding day. She would be the ‘Maid’ of honour if she was to be unmarried, or ‘Matron’ of honour if she is.

Alternatively if you chose to have a man as your main ‘helper’ then he would be known as the ‘Man of honour’. This person should be someone you have the utmost trust in as they are often tasked with helping plan much of your wedding day and making sure the bride is emotionally in the right place to go through with the marriage ceremony. They are also usually asked to give a speech at the wedding reception, sign the registry and holding the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony.

Maid of honour toast

Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids can be seen as assistants of the Maid or Matron of honour when considering the roles of bridal party members. They are there to flank the bride and look stunning, but never better looking than the bride 🙂 As I stated earlier their main role is to act as emotional support for the bride to help her through her day. They also help out with putting on the bridal gown and usually are called upon to dance with the grooms men after the first dance.

Bridal party helping with dress

The Best Man

The history of the Best man does not really paint a picture of what the best man does at today’s weddings. The best man’s role at modern weddings is very similar to the Maid, or Matron of honour, whereby they are to keep the groom calm and collected before the wedding ceremony, but also traditionally is the keeper of the wedding bands, without which there would be no symbolic representation of the bride and groom becoming man and wife.

As such, out of all the roles of bridal party members, his could be seen as symbolically the most important of the lot. The best man is usually one of the groom’s best friends whom he trusts above all others as often they are also in charge of organising rowdy bucks nights where its tradition for the groom to be kind of ‘taken for a ride’ of the last moments of being a bachelor. The best man is always asked to give a speech at the wedding reception and is traditional for that speech to be quite funny, making fun of the groom and complementing the bride.

Groom and best man walking down hill

Grooms men

Typically, grooms men are more friends of the groom, there as the bridesmaids are to offer emotional support. Before the wedding the grooms men usually help pay for the bachelor party and usually will be behind the ‘decorating’ of the get away car at the end of the night. During the ceremony the grooms men would be tasked with seating all the guests before the bride arrives and will also be called upon to dance with the bridesmaids during the reception.

The boys getting ready

Junior Grooms men or Bridesmaids

Generally children ranging from 9 to 16 years old, the junior grooms men or bridesmaids are generally relations to the bride and groom whom are important enough to stand with the others at the ceremony. Usually they are not given any particular role other than looking cute or dapper in their miniature versions of their suit or gown. These members of the bridal party are usually separate to page boys and flower girls.

bride with flower girl in vineyard

Flower Girl

Of all the the roles of bridal party, the flower girl is often seen as the one role that steals focus from the bride, as generally the flower girl is dressed up like a tiny princess and can be very cute running down the aisle in front of the bridal party at the beginning of the ceremony. Her role is to embellish the aisle that the bride will soon walk down with flower petals, hence the name ‘flower girl.

Flower girl walking down aisle

Page boy / Ring bearer

The name ‘page boy’ is taken from the medieval rank of ‘page’ or a knight in training. Usually boys the same age as the flower girl, the page boy can be tasked with carrying the wedding rings instead of the best man, however due to the young age of many page boys, their parents or the best man are often close by keeping an eye on them.

Page boy handing over rings

Mother of the bride

The mother of the bride is usually right there amongst it all when it comes to preparing for the wedding. It’s not at all uncommon for the Mother of the Bride to have her daughter’s wedding plan all sorted by the time they even begin high school and will often start saving for it by then also. The Mother of the bride will also be a huge source of emotional help along with the bridesmaids and will often also help out with details such as bombonieres and choosing of dresses.

Mother of bride grinning

Father of the bride

In an ultra traditional setting, the father of the bride would be called upon to finance the wedding. However, in modern times it’s usually a task for the entire family to pay for the (rather large) cost of a wedding. The father of the bride’s primary role at a wedding is to ‘give the bride away’ at the beginning of the ceremony by walking her down the aisle, also giving a speech at the reception and dancing with the bride.

Father of the bride looking at his daughter

Mother and Father of the groom

The Mother and Father of the groom’s main task is to make sure her son looks the part at the wedding ceremony. Making sure his tie is set correctly, placing the flowers correctly on his lapel and helping out putting on cufflinks. All things grooms and their grooms men have trouble with in my experience as a wedding photographer. Their other roles would include mingling with guests at the wedding, and making sure everything is running smoothly.

Parents looking on at groom

Officiant / Celebrant

Also known as any number of religious titles, such as ‘priest’, ‘father’, ‘padre’ if it’s a religious wedding as is tradition. Of all the roles of bridal party members, perhaps this one shouldn’t really be there, as the Officiant of the wedding is really only a service provider paid for by the couple, and not part of the bridal party at all. However, they do have a big part top play in the wedding… obviously.

They run the wedding ceremony, sort out the procession order and help with writing vows. They will also assist the couple to sign the marriage certificate and help with all the paperwork to make it legal.

Bride and Groom

Ushers

Usually friends, or distant relatives of the bride and groom, of the roles of the bridal p

Champaigne with bridal party

Champaigne with bridal party

arty, the ushers may well be the most short lived. They will often stand out the front of the ceremony location, most commonly a church, and hand out programs or pamphlets to guests as they arrive. Often also handing out items to throw over the departing bride and groom at the end, such as flower petals or bubble makers.

Celebrating bridal party

Hopefully this list detailing the different roles of bridal party members helps you decide who would be best suited to fill these roles at your wedding, or to fill you in on your own duties! 🙂

The roles of bridal party members are significant in ensuring a successful wedding ceremony and reception. From the maid of honor to the best man, each member has a unique responsibility in making sure that the day runs smoothly and the bride and groom are well taken care of. Understanding these roles and communicating them clearly to each member is essential in preventing misunderstandings and ensuring that everyone is on the same page.

By working together as a team, the bridal party can make the couple’s special day an unforgettable experience for everyone involved.

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Wedding ring photography

The beginning of my day covering a wedding as a wedding photographer usually sees me at the location where the groom and his grooms men are being prepared and getting dressed in order to get the wedding ceremony. As a result I’m usually asking for the wedding ring to do a bit of wedding ring photography. Doing the wedding ring photography and other product shots affects such as the shoes, or any jewellery like cuff links, and wearables like ties and suit jackets I like to treat as a bit of a warm up for the day for both myself and for the boys, who may not be overly comfortable with a photographer constantly taking photos of them during the day.

It’s usually the case that this sort of photogrpahy requires specialised lenses and photographic equipment that may or may not be common place in a wedding photographer’s kit – but to do the best work, you need the best camera and lenses for product photography.

Wedding ring photography

The goal is really to show any details of the ring or rings while having some sort of a background that speaks to the type of person the groom is. It’s traditional at a wedding for the groom and his best man to look after the rings so I feel having something like his tie, or cuff links, even the flowers he’s wearing on the day as a background really helps portray this personal aspect of the wedding rings.

Wedding Rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding Rings
wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings

It is however coming more and more popular for the bride and her entourage to look after the rings, I’m thinking trust is the defining factor here? 🙂 When this is the case, the rings are often placed nearby flowers, or clothing such as the wedding dress. This is again to show a bit of personality behind the photograph. It’s also quite common to find them tied onto the page boy’s cushion, ready to be presented during the wedding ceremony.

wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Adelaide wedding photographer
Wedding Rings

This being said however, wedding rings are usually very personal items to begin with, so there is a certain charm to wedding ring photography where the background is as plain as possible. I usually try to find a nice clean hardwood surface to produce these types of photos, as the grain fades away in the natural bokeh of my lens in a very satisfying way.

Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings
Wedding rings

Wedding ring photography, I feel is one of the important photographs I must capture on a wedding day as they signify the never ending union of the wedded couple, and as I’m there to capture all the emotion and joy on this most special of days, I figure the wedding rings should also play a major role in those memories! 🙂